plz talk dirty to me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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