There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
