I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
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Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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