She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
