Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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