Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
