girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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