My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
