Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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