So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
