i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
