I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
