Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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