Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
