I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
