I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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