Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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