He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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