she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
