Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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