At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize