do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
