No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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