I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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