I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
