I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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