she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
