If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
