Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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