...so i touched it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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