i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
