the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You're a disaster
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