dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
