no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
