Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He has the fingertips of a God
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