I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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