do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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