I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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