i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
