i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
