She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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