Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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