I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
