Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
