The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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