at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
