i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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