His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
