Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
