I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
