My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
