at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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