Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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