Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
