We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
