fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
