No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
