If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
