She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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