I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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