Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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