I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
